When I found out I was having a girl, there were hundreds of
emotions and thoughts that crossed my mind in the days immediately following. You
hear a lot of advice and a lot of “wives tales” I guess you would say, when you
are becoming a mom. “Girls are easier.” “She’ll be a daddy’s girl.” And of
course the worst prediction of all, “Mother-Daughter relationships are hard.”
Yet, there were fears and insecurities that no one seemed to hit on. One being,
“How am I going to raise a young woman who has confidence and integrity in
today’s world?”
I don’t know about you, but I am at
a point in my life where young stars and role-models that my sister and I had
growing up are getting more provocative each day. The insecurities I had as a
teenager barely scrape the surface of what young women are facing today. How do
you raise a child to combat these issues? How do you speak beauty into your
little girl without putting too much emphasis on outward appearance or what the
world deems as most important?
I don’t think that Aria has grasped
the term “beautiful” quite yet, but I tell her daily that she is beautiful. It’s
something that I didn’t hear that much growing up, no fault to my parents. I
don’t think a lot of parents think about it, honestly. We assume our children
know that they are beautiful or handsome or that they don’t need to be told
because they might “get a big head.” Believe me, I have thought long and hard
about telling Aria she is beautiful and the repercussions of her becoming too
much focused on outward appearance, but if there is something that I do not
want to mess up as a parent, it is showing Aria that beauty is so much more
than outward appearance.
I’m sure you have seen the Dove commercials and their
campaign for real beauty. While conducting their campaign, Dove did a study
asking women all around the globe if they considered themselves beautiful. Did
you know that only 4% of women responded yes? Not to mention, they found that
an overwhelming 72% of girls ages 10-17 feel a great amount of pressure to be beautiful[1] . This makes me feel fearful for my daughter,
and it makes me hurt for our generation and the next.
We hear it all the time. The Bible
verses that implore us to remember that beauty is fleeting and that only man
looks at the outward appearance while God looks at the heart. But can I ask you
how many times in your life as a woman that those words have just gone in one
ear and out the other? How many times, when we have felt at our ugliest, have
we simply brushed those words and verses aside and wallowed in the fact that we
will never be as thin or as athletic or as beautiful as the model on TV? How do
we speak beauty into our daughters and sons when even we struggle?
I think that it is VERY important to
speak beauty into our children at a very early age. Aria is only 2, and yet I
want desperately for her to know that she is beautiful and that every human
being she meets is beautiful. I want her to know that her kindness and her
compassion are in themselves, beautiful and that I love those parts of her. I
want her to know that, yes, I think her outward appearance is beautiful, but
that her spirit and her joy are what radiate beauty to those around her. I want
her to look at others and find the beauty in their strength or their compassion
or their meekness. So how do we go about doing this?
First and foremost I believe that we
have to teach our daughters God’s definition of beauty. It is not enough to
recite Bible verses to our daughters in hopes that they will “get it” or that
it will have meaning to them. We have to truly delve into the real meaning of
beauty. This is hard for me while Aria is so young, but it is something that I
think about a lot. At this stage I want her to understand the importance of
things like being honest and being kind and that these are the things that give
others joy. But as she gets older I want her to truly understand what God’s
word says about beauty, both outward and inward.
One of my favorite verses is 1 Peter
3:3-4 which says “Your beauty
should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of
gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self,
the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in
God's sight.” In fact, I’ve had this verse hanging in Aria’s room since
before she was born. I take great comfort in this verse, and I hope that one
day she will to. God is clearly saying here that, “Hey, what you wear or how
you present yourself is not the definition of beauty. You can love to look your
best, and you should, but to find true beauty look inside yourself! That’s
where you will find beauty! A gentle and quiet spirit, such things as this will
never fade away!”
This isn’t
to say that we are not beautiful outwardly. In fact, God says that we are “fearfully
and wonderfully made.” We are made after His image. Wow! How powerful is that
to a young girl who is just getting to know her Heavenly Father? Speak this
into your kids’ lives daily.
Some other verses that I
suggest you look at and really get to know are listed at the bottom of this post.
I really suggest that you read through them carefully and really discuss them
with your children. It is not just enough to read them and quote them. We have
to breathe life into the words. Pray that God will speak meaning into your
conversations about beauty.
The second thing that I
believe is crucial to speaking beauty into our kids’ lives is living it
ourselves. This is something that I struggle with daily. I did not have many
self-confidence issues when I was in high school or even into early college. I
am very lucky that I was confident in who I was and who I wanted to be. I
changed my outward appearance to suit me and never really cared whether others
liked it or not. I cannot say the same thing for the adult me. I don’t know
why, at this stage in my life, I seem to care so much about my appearance. I
have no explanation. Maybe it was getting used to my new mommy body or meeting
others who put a lot of stock into outward appearance. I can only say that this
has become a great struggle for me.
Then, I see others whose
beauty just radiates from them. Take my sister for example. When we are out and
she sees someone she knows, they seem to light up at the sight of her. I
believe my sister is very beautiful on the outside, but I know that they light
up because of her inner beauty. Her giving heart blesses so many people and her
gentle spirit puts people at ease. I want to be like that. I want my inner
beauty to shine forth so that Aria knows what it means when God says that he
looks at the heart. I want to live that for my daughter and it is something
that I am constantly working on. We all struggle, but to live God’s truth about
beauty in our own lives is probably the greatest impact that we can have on how
they view themselves.
And lastly, Pray, Pray,
Pray! Amazing things can be accomplished through prayer. Pray for not only your
own children, but for all of the young men and women who are struggling in
today’s society to understand beauty. Pray that God will put people in their
path who show them God’s definition of beauty. Who live it!
I am no expert on parenting
(hey, I’ve only been at this for 2 years) but I wanted to share this because it
is something that has really been on my heart. I hope that I have, at least,
given you something to think about.
Please feel free to leave any feedback, comments, or your own take on “Speaking
Beauty.”
*Here are some other verses
to read about beauty.
Proverbs 31:30
Psalm 139:14
Ecclesiastes 3:11
1 Samuel 16:7
1 Timothy 4:8
